Raising Confident Adults

As parents we all want our children to grow into confident adults who can take care of themselves and others. Parents can help build this confidence when their children are young. Confident children learn to take risks, try new things and in so doing, learn. While under confident children give up or don’t try at all. They can stagnate in their learning, increasing their feelings of incompetence.

Confidence comes from competence and the feeling of being special to someone. Praise helps a child feel competent and special. Sometimes in our efforts to produce good citizens, we correct too often. Many of us forget to use praise or feel that praise will spoil our children. It might make them too big for their britches or cause them to get above their raisin’. Professionals advise using 5 praise statements for every correction or redirection.

A child wants to feel they are good at something. We can help our children develop a feeling of competence by allowing them to try new activities and supporting their effort. Children can try dance, martial arts, sports, cooking, art, music, writing, magic tricks, dog training, etc. Some children build confidence through knowing all about a topic they enjoy. Give them time to show you what they have learned and to practice with you. Show an interest in the skills they are learning.

Talk about their interest and goals with them. Help them aim for their personal best. Keep it positive. Don’t push your agenda on them. Let them learn and improve at their pace. There is a difference between correcting them, “That’s not the way you throw a basketball, do this! and gently offering to show what you learned when you were their age. “Wow, you’re really improving with your dribbling skills. When I was younger someone showed me x, would you like me to show you?”

Making your child feel special is as easy as saying, “I had fun playing with you today.” “I’m so happy to see your smiling face.” Telling your child, they are the best or better than everyone else will cause problems later when they meet someone who is smarter, more athletic, etc. Instead, you can say, “You are very special to me. I’m so happy you are my child.”

Next blog - How to Praise